Meltdown Shame: Am I Still Loved?
- Bunmi
- Jun 22
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Meltdowns. If you know, you know.
Some people think a meltdown is a tantrum. They can look the same, and saying they are not can seem like a cop-out of just CONTROLLING YOURSELF BETTER, but they're not.
"All that kid needs is a good spanking!" I promise you, as an adult who has had meltdowns, that's not true.
Have you noticed that when a child is throwing a tantrum, they are still in control? I once saw one of my young children gently lower her head down to the floor so she could throw a tantrum without hurting herself.
Meltdowns are different. They're what happens when a person has been trying for a long time in their own limited strength and reaches the end.
Maybe you're thinking: Well, I control myself, why can't everyone?
Because everyone is different. Their insides are different.
Speaking from experience, a lot of things can trigger a meltdown. Faking being Ok for a long time, confusion or anger around not understanding why something is happening, an unexpected change in schedule, perceived grave injustice, intense sensory pain (loud places for too long for example), or physical pain.
Or a combination of these things.
If you've been there, you know.
The build up, the panic, the crash, and then...the shame. Or the fatigue. The never wanting to be around people again because why is it so hard.
You can sometimes hear the people around you. See their faces. Some looked shocked. Others concerned. Others angry. Others blank. But it feels like everything in happening in slow motion.
I used to try pacing. Talking to myself. Deep breathing. But sometimes, it was just impossible for me to stop and I'd leave where I was if possible.
In David's Diary, The Summer Camp Disaster, David has a meltdown. It starts when a fellow camper accidentally drops a bowl of chocolate pudding on his head.
Awful. Was it an accident? Was it on purpose? Was everything thinking about it? Would it result in a weird nickname that would follow him all summer long?
And if that wasn't enough, the next day someone takes the last waffle at breakfast. Waffles aren't just David's favorite food.
They are his happy food. His safe food, the one he was looking forward to eating after not eating much the night before. He was really, really hungry.
By the time David makes it to morning service with the rest of the campers, he's a mess inside.
He's in a new place. Excited, but there's a lot to take in. Everything feels like it's going wrong and he doesn't really know how to think about it or process it.
And he explodes.
Luckily, David doesn't get in too much trouble. People (outside of his youth leader Joab) think it was pretty funny. But David's not laughing.
In this book, David learns that doing one's best to become invisible (including trying to invent an invisibility drink complete with maple syrup and ketchup) isn't how any of us can overcome meltdowns or the post-meltdown fallout.
The answer for me was Jesus.
I memorized Psalm 23. "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want, He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul."
The picture of the Shepherd who loves me and walks me into peaceful, calm, still, fluorescent light-free places, and gives me rest helps me every day. I need those green pastures and still waters every single day. I think about them and they give me peace.
He restores my soul.
When I do something that I'm not proud of, I can apologize to anyone I've hurt. I can pray for forgiveness. I can ask my good & gentle Shepherd to restore my soul and trust that no, He's not mad at me. He still loves me.
On David's summer adventure, he figures a lot out. He learns that he doesn't have to be ashamed. He learns how to open up and have hard conversations about chocolate pudding disasters.
He learns about friendship, why revenge is never the answer, and that there's love waiting for him on the other side of every hard moment when it's brought to Jesus.
And most of all, he learns that God doesn't want him to feel ashamed, He just wants him to keep growing healthy, strong, and kind.
If you've ever felt ashamed about a meltdown you've had, let me hold your hand and tell you that I'm not ashamed of you. I know how hard you're trying.
Jesus isn't ashamed of us. I'm happy He's my forever friend.
We weren't meant to do things on our own this life. Tell the Shepherd. Ask Him for help and for helpers. You're not alone!
love, Bunmi
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Meets Dog Man Meets Faith, Fun, & Laughs
David's Diary is a brand new chapter book series by Bunmi Laditan full of everyday adventure. Featuring neurodivergent characters who GROW and figure out that with God, all things are possible.
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